Motor Home Massacre (2005)

Author: Josh G.
Submitted by: Josh G.   Date : 2008-07-24 11:44

Written and Directed by: Allen Wilbanks
Starring: Shan Holleman, Justin Geer and Tanya Fraser

Reviewed by: Josh G.

Very low budget horror is generally expected to be bad. But how bad is too bad? Can you find redeeming qualities in gallons of blood, or perhaps a couple of trips to the sac? Maybe. I wasnít surprised to learn that this movie was written and directed by the same person, who happened to have directed Evil Keg. Do you even have to ask? A slasher set on a campsite where nobody is allowed to leave sounds like a standard fun film to me. But be very careful. What may have worked in the past may not automatically obtain rights into horror heaven. Writing, direction, and acting all have their parts too; when theyíre missing, youíre in trouble!

Benji (Justin Geer) borrows his fatherís 1975 motor home so that his friends Nick (Greg Corbett), Lincoln (Todd Herring), and Roger (Nelson Bonilla) can vacation at Black Creek. They pick up Sabrina (Shan Holleman), Nickís girlfriend Faith (Nichole Crisp), and Lincolnís girlfriend Brooke (Breanne Ashley). Along the way, they meet up with Jebediah (Lane Morlotte), a strange store clerk who tells the teens about a couple who were murdered at Black Creek the night before. When the seven young adults enter the camping grounds, a park ranger (Sande McGehee) informs them that the gate should have been locked. No one is allowed in, and no one is allowed out. Everybody camps out beside the RV, when along comes Nicole (Tanya Fraser), a nice girl who has just ended a relationship and acts a little peculiar. Sabrina can relate. Sheís trying to get over her true love, Tom (Jason Von Stein). A killer soon appears to disrupt the party, armed with a menacing machete.

Motor Home Massacre contains one of the easiest killer identities to guess from this millennium. We receive a major hint, spoken directly by the person that proves that the individual is unstable to such an extent as to want to kill someone. The female lead, Sabrina, is dull and whiny with her obsessive boyfriend story. Brookeís characterization, of what little there is of it, is muddled by terrible lifeless acting. Faith on the other hand is a fun girl who just wants to speak in her squeaky, but adorable voice, acting what one can only describe as pink bubblegum. On the guysí side, we have eye candy such as Nick, but heís good for nothing else. Below average acting from the lot of them. Roger adds a bastard personality into the mix, whereas Benji is a surprisingly likable geek, which may or may not owe itself to comparison amongst the cast. Lincoln is a white boy who tries to act like heís black in a lame attempt to bring humor to the picture. Itís 2005, and that tired old joke has been done to death already!

Weíve already established that we want to see this boring cast killed off. Sadly, with the killerís choice of costume being a pair of night vision goggles and a raincoat, you wouldnít mind seeing him get killed off soon either. Heís not intimidating. This movie couldnít scare a five year old. Assuming you are going to sit through the entire thing, you want the whole feature to be over with as soon as possible. No cast to root for, no killer to cheer on. We loop screams, repeat the entire prologue over again thirty minutes in, and include one of the ditsiest moments ever. Brooke doesnít notice a flying machete hit her boyfriend in the chest when sheís standing a few feet away from him.

I will give Motor Home Massacre this: it has a beautiful RV. Very atmospheric. The gore is present, but aside from an offscreen kill which is later shown to be a maleís back completely skinned to the bone, nothing is remotely memorable. The cover boasts a chainsaw wielding man in front of an RV. Sadly, a chainsaw makes no appearance anywhere. Itís always a machete, unless itís the heroes, who use a crossbow, an RV and a frying pan. Alliance Atlantis released this on DVD with interviews, a trailer, an alternate opening and an alternate ending. Iím not sure many should care. I know I donít. This is the least amount of fun Iíve had viewing a horror movie for the first half of this year. Itís the kind of film that makes you question whether or not youíre going to watch another slasher anytime soon. If you want a boring and predictable waste of time, then youíve found the right place. As if you donít know what comes next: Trash it!

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