Summer of Massacre, The (2011)

Author: Brett Gallman
Submitted by: Brett Gallman   Date : 2012-01-05 07:35
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Written by: Joe Castro, Schroeder
Directed by: Joe Castro
Starring: Brinke Stevens, Nick Principe and Cleve Hall


Reviewed by: Brett Gallman






Pray for winter.


The calling card for The Summer of Massacre is its insistence that it boasts the highest body count of all-time; apparently even Guinness verified it and everything. I feel like that marketing probably really would have appealed to me when I was in my pre-teen days, back when I watched way too many slasher movies and thought the epitome of horror was watching people get killed off in all sorts of manners. These days, I can’t say I’ve really grown up all that much, (I’m actually writing this review on my 28th birthday), but, having seen this film, I can take comfort that I have grown up enough to know that this sort of approach to the genre is pure garbage and results in the type of film that gives horror a bad reputation.

An anthology film, it collects four tales, starting with the story of a man who gets attacked by a couple of thugs; they leave him on the verge of death, but he’s somehow resurrected and goes on a killing spree himself. This is followed up by a story involving an invalid, handicapped girl taking revenge on her sister (who attempts to murder her by shoving her wheelchair off a cliff). Our third story is only slightly less tasteful and finds a man being haunted by his father, who is literally the boogeyman who raped his mom. Finally (and mercifully), the film ends with a campfire tale involving a couple of gay lovers that were burned to death in a fire; naturally, they return to show everyone the true meaning of flaming homosexuals.

This isn’t so much a movie as much as it’s a collection of tales that feel like they were conceived as some sort of bet, as if someone dared Joe Castro that he couldn’t make a movie involving (literally) plotless killing sprees and abused, handicapped girls. The Summer of Massacre feels like the most juvenile of button pushing, and I find it hard to believe anyone would really be all that upset by the content because the effort is too lazy to be taken seriously. The aim here is so desperate and transparent that you just kind of shrug it off like you would a little kid begging for attention. And, just as you would eventually send that little bastard to his room, you’ll want to shut this sucker off quickly and contemplate just what you did to deserve such a fate. Luckily, I have taken this bullet for you--don’t be suckered in by the impressive ad campaign (even though it might technically live up to its word, though you absolutely won’t care about five minutes in).

By that point, you’ll be knee deep in that first story, which is seemingly inspired by Crank, only without all of the style or the energy. It literally involves watching a guy kill random people he encounters; it’s almost become passe to compare movies to video games, but this really does feel like you’re watching someone wreak random havoc in Grand Theft Auto, only get this: the graphics are worse. I can only imagine that Castro was in such a hurry to get into the record books that he just decided to use a CGI panacea for every gore sequence; I’d have to go back and check to be sure, but, quite frankly, the surgeon general might find that hazardous to my health. Besides, it doesn’t really matter if there’s one practical shot in the entire thing because the absurd computer-generated effects are so laughably tacky. In fact, I’m sure most of this movie will have evaporated from my brain as early as next week; however, the silly gore sequences are so bad as to be unforgettable. When the best effect can be described as a frightening hybrid of Sloth and Cropsy, you’ve got problems.

There’s one shot that pretty much summarizes up the whole thing--it comes (I think) in the third story, where we end up in a hospital that’s brought to life by poorly rendered environments and covered in even more poorly realized bloodshed. It actually resembles a cartoon, and it’s so laughable that you’ll wonder if this whole movie isn’t supposed to be a joke. I’d honestly feel better if I could just write it off as one; that this somehow secured a DVD release is somewhat appalling. I’m used to cheap, lo-fi indie horror movies, but at least a good amount of them feel like they’re trying. In this case, Castro seemingly kept a lifelong list of “extreme” things he’d like to see in a horror movie and finally committed them to film (er, digital). By the time I saw a guy’s head get crushed by a pack of convenience store ice, I felt like checking out. For whatever reason, I was still drawn to the badness of it all, particularly the incomprehensibility--there’s a wraparound sequence involving some sweaty, half-naked guys in a warehouse (where they’re torturing people, or something), plus the whole thing is strung together by some on camera interviews with imprisoned psychopaths.

So when you’re not watching the endless stream of puerile junk, you’re listening to more of it during these sequences. I have no idea who these “characters” are supposed to be, and I wish it’d all been cut out, just to shorten the seemingly interminable Summer of Massacre. I’m just glad Castro decided to confine this to one season, and I’m praying there’s no wintry follow-up in the future. Breaking Glass Pictures have done the dubious honors here, and I wish they’d have something a little more worthwhile to offer. I can’t speak to the quality of their final disc, as the screener I was provided had one of the most intrusive, ugliest watermarks (which somehow seems appropriate). They’ll at least offer some special features, including commentary and behind-the-scenes stuff with Castro, an interview with actress Brinke Stevens, some audition tapes, and a short film. I’ll be impressed if any of it sheds much light on just how The Summer of Massacre manages to be so poor, from the shoddily filmed action to the community-theater level acting. Sure, it’ll be able to claim it made it into Guinness, but it also earns the distinction of being one of the most lifeless, dull “over the top” horror movies I’ve ever seen. Trash it!



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